Thursday, April 30, 2015
Sure the shoe salesman saw trouble coming when the caterpillar entered his store. He quickly convinced the insect that cheap shoes were the way to go, after all in about 4 weeks she'll only need six shoes. This really just pushed the work onto the caterpillar's podiatrist who then spent hours and hours removing painful plantar warts and bunions from the caterpillars feet, who incidentally had no medical insurance. Karma caught up with the shoe salesman soon after as a goddamned millipede with mismatched shoe sizes.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
The little house was lauded as a hero to dwellings the world over for standing up to the treacherous tornado. Due to all the attention it was soon discovered the house was built without a building permit. It was immediately torn down and a Starbucks put in it's place. Uppity condos in the neighborhood would often comment, "That's why I would never choose to be a standalone. He got what he deserved."
Monday, April 27, 2015
Now, what the man didn't know was that clouds rain when they are sad. He should have reminded the cloud of how its mother had died after being sucked into the turbine of a 747 leaving him an orphan, which would then trigger his memory of being a sky urchin and pickpocketing passing parachutists under the tutelage of Cloud Fagin. Tickling only makes clouds urinate.
Friday, April 24, 2015
The little brick felt out of place once he fell from the wall, but his discomfort was short lived. Soon he found himself at home in the warm lobby of an abortion clinic whose window he had been hurled through. Shortly thereafter he found himself incarcerated in the evidence room of the police station. Sadly he became the main bitch to a group of spray paint cans used by Banksy.
Thursday, April 23, 2015
And out of unconscious habit the barber still held a mirror up behind where the customer's head would have been. And out of unconscious habit the customer nodded his head and muttered "looks good" without really registering how it looked.