Thursday, March 6, 2014
Sure it was easy to kill in this room, after all he knew all the topics that would go over well: how zebra bones get stuck in your teeth, how a carcass smells terrible, but tastes delicious and a few well placed jokes about the hyenas that live in Mozambique, who everyone knows are rubes. The true test would be next week when he took his act to the road.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Monday, March 3, 2014
The only thing that made the Raymond's anniversary any different from any other dinner in their loveless marriage was the candle was lit tonight.
NOTE: When I asked my daughter what she thought this cartoon meant, she told me the two rays were arguing over who should go get the food from the kitchen, "You asked for the food, so you go get it."
Friday, February 28, 2014
At first the ostrich fell deeply in love with the mole. Before long love turned into bitterness. They couldn't go see "American Hustle" because the screen was too bright. He never wanted to go out during the day, they didn't read the same books and when it came to decorating their new apartment all he wanted for the nursery colours was grey or black. Soon the bitterness turned into sniping at him saying things like "I suppose we are going to have to get a seeing eye dog now? Like we need another mouth to feed!" Both the mole and the ostrich knew it was over. She took the apartment, and locked the door to that unneeded nursery, soon she forgot it was there. When guests asked, she would just say, "It's an old junk closet. God knows what is in there."
Thursday, February 27, 2014
The Williamson's were so annoyed by their new upstairs neighbors and the noise they made that they decided to have loud awkward sex as revenge. Unfortunately, Mrs. Williamson laid 13,563 eggs. In the end it worked out as they just ate the eggs. I mean really, who wants to come up with that many names for kids anyway.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
The amusement park was a grand success for many months, until one day a sock entered the ride and never came out. Investigations were made into the safety and maintenance of the machine, the training of the staff and the general running of the business. Even though everything met regulations, the publicity was enough to greatly thin the crowds. Those thrill seekers who still ventured to the park quickly changed their minds after witnessing the widowed sock who sat near the ride weeping and moaning every day. Eventually Mr. Tighty-Whites shut down the park and now it only lives as a distant memory of old clothes that have since been cut up for rags and talk fondly of old times as they sit under the sink.