Thursday, May 21, 2015
Thinking he successfully scared off the only mouse, Francis later enjoyed his cheese in peace. During this snack he ingested quite a bit of mouse urine and feces, and developed Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome. His lungs filled with fluid and he essentially drowned. But man, that was was some good Emmenta cheese and well worth the cost.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
This would have been a just a ridiculous mistake that the painter would laugh about years later, except it was a lead based paint that decreased his sperm count to such a degree that he could never impregnate a woman himself. He was a newlywed and his bride was excited to start a family. She eventually left him for a Nigerian man, who are known to be the most fertile men in the world. She ended up with seven children, while the painter only gave birth to a dependency on whiskey and poppers.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Though the bear and rabbit had been friends for years, the wanton destruction of the bears hand made scrapbook of Boyz II Men was his breaking point. Immediately following cleaning up the mess the bear turned the makeshift broom upside down and ate the rabbit like a Creamsicle. By which I mean, he licked the rabbit a couple of times before biting through to get to the delicious vanilla filling.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
The lice were quite jealous of their cousin's, the flea's, very popular circus. The lice worked night and day to perfect their various skills. After only a few months of rehearsals they had surpassed the agility, expertise and pure entertainment value of all other circuses. The problem was no one wanted to see lice performing. The embittered Phthiraptera rushed the flea's tents in a envious rage and burned them to the ground, which also resulted in the deaths of three cats and six dogs.
Monday, May 11, 2015
Like many parents the mother snake got frustrated with nagging her snakelings to clean up after themselves. As she started picking up the shed skins she became aware that the teenage boy snakes had been using them for masturbation. This is made all the more disgusting when you consider that the mother snake doesn't have hands to pick things up with.